I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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