So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
