He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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