I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
