census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
