break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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