First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
not ubering you a puppy
and you fell through a lawn chair
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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