I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
