wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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