Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
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