thus making me awesome and them whores
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
