In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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