In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
