Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
