y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
