Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
