Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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