we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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