I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
