from now on my penis is your penis
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
