Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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