good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
