Your tits are I can't wait for
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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