Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
