Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
