there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
