There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He did a backflip because drugs
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