apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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