You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
