I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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