Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
