I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
