White coat. Heels.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
