if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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