No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We don't watch enough power rangers
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
