Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
she woke up with a sticky ear
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
