Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
