so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
