He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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