Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
