Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control

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(904): View more from Florida

He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".

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(514): View more from Quebec

Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high

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(541): View more from Oregon

I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.

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(417): View more from Missouri

Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?

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(512): View more from Texas

I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.

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