Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
