i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
