I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
only you would photoshop your dick
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
