I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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