That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize