Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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