He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
