We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
