His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
