Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
