What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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