Im at strip club and am horny
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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