I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
