We're like a lot better than the average bears
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
