and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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