Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
