Betty ford says i'm here all night
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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