I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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