Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
