babies were throwing up all over the place
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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