remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
