fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
