I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
