I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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