You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
All I want is dick and wine.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
