i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
