four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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