I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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