someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
