Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
