She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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