I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
