Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
