Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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