I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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