is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
