You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
