dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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