he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
