So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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