Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
