I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize