so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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