i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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