I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
