I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
