just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
