we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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