Me too!
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
