do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
