There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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