margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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