You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sorry my hands just texted you
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
