i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
