I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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