I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
don't judge my taste in strippers
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
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