I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
