i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
