Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
