Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
