is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
