1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
