If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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