He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
